Q – What is “I, Dooligan”?
A – The blog novel “I, Dooligan” is a work of Narratory so-called “Art” in a comedic vein.
Q – Does it have pictures?
A – What?
Q – Pictures. PICK-chewers. Does it have pictures?
A – I don’t… It’s a… Why would it..?
Ohhhhh, I get where yer comin’ from. You’ve mistaken “I, Dooligan” the Blog Novel for the as-yet-unpublished COMIC BOOK sequel which goes by the name of “Dooliganism”.
Q – Not the crappy sequel, this one! The original! Does this one have pictures?
A – No, it doesn’t.
Q – Why not? I mean, you said it was a work of Negatory Art, didn’t you? And all Art (both Negatory and Pository) is made out of pictures, right? So why not this one?
A – Uhhhh… Not… made out of “pictures”… per se… UNLESS. Unless you count lovingly hand-crafted WORD-PICTURES that play complex and vivid melodies on the human Mind Organ.
Q – Wow! Sounds noisy. Which reminds me: Is it true that “I, Dooligan” was written by loudly shouting into a Blogophone?
A – There’s no such thing as a Blogophone. I made that up for the novel. “I, Dooligan” was written by tapping those button thingies on the… er… computer… key…
Q – Board?
A – Not yet, but I’m gettin’ there.
Q – So you typed it, then?
A – Yes.
Q – Did you use the Search and Peck Method?
A – The Search and Peck Method is usually done with two (or more) of one’s index fingers. I prefer typing with two (or more) of my thumbs.
Q – And what’s that method called?
A – The Search and Squoosh Method.
Q – Speaking of squooshing, can I use the “I, Dooligan” e-book to swat dangerous and/or annoying insects with?
A – Well… I s’pose technically you can… HOWEVER. It would be remiss of me not to include a Disclaimer. The “I, Dooligan” e-book is not one o’ those old-fangled, primitive “paper” books like they used for swatting bugs with back in… I dunno… Jurassic Park Times, or whenever. The “I, Dooligan” e-book is actually a Wonder of Modern Booknology. As such, the “I, Dooligan” e-book is mostly readable on Digital Devices only. Therefore, using this e-book to swat bugs with would be literally the same thing as using your digital device t’ swat bugs with. Which means there’d be a very high risk of expensive breakage.
For this reason (and I’m assuming here that the newness of your own digital device would fall under the category of “Brand Spanking”) for this reason (I repeat) you should wait until the titans of Big Tech have told you that your (currently) “new” device is now OBSOLETE, and that the moment has come for you t’ go get y’self a new Brand Spanking New one. But don’t worry. Swat-able insects will still be around. In six months or so.
Q – Great!
I’m still confused about the whole “Work of Art” thing, though…
A – … oh, f’ fuck sake…
Q – I am! Will ya just… ? Please! Will ya hear me out? I mean, you answered the first Q by saying this “Work of Art” was in a comedic vein, right?
A – I guess…
Q – And yet, all comedy is about the breaching of rules an’ taboos an’ whatnot, is it not? Or what?
A – … uh… y-e-e-e-e-s….
Q – Which strongly suggests t’ me that “I, Dooligan” must be chock-a-block full of what they call “Politically Incorrect Goodness” (or P.I.G for short). Yair?
A – No Comment.
Q – Why “No Comment”?
A – JUST BECAUSE, that’s why!!
Q – Wait… You’re scared, aren’t you?
A – I AM… not… s… scared..?
Q – You are! You’re terrified those Cancel Culture Folk might snuffle out your P.I.G-ness and come a-knockin’ on your basement door.
A – NO!! I’m not the least bit scared. I’m just… concerned, is all. I’m a Concerned Citizen. I mean, cyberspace is the only place where I really, truly exist any more… If they cancel me here, I’ll have t’ climb the stairs… Leave the basement… Go back into… into the real world… and… Well, that’s where my girlfriend is….
Q – You have a (quote) “girlfriend”..?
A – Yes! An’ judging by the echoes that have been tumblin’ down the stairs lately it sounds like she’s got another baby… or a pet goat… or something up there…
Q – I feel for ya, bruh. Goats ‘n’ babies are terrifying.
A – Goats, babies and clowns.
Q – DUDE!! I saw The Devil once and I swear TO SATAN he was a cross between a goat, a baby and a clown.
A – Errr… Okay… Any more questions?
Q – I don’t know… You tell me.
A – How am I supposed t’ know what questions you want answered?
Q – Ah, but that’s precisely my point. You don’t know. You only presume t’ know because of your… superior knowledge… of the subject… and all. But I have knowledge, too, y’know? In fact, it’s highly likely that Q-Folk like me never really needed A-Folk like you t’ begin with. Because we have this little thing we like t’ call– oh, I don’t know– LIFE EXPERIENCE?? Maybe? And maybe– just maybe— the Life Experience of the Q-Folk mean(s) we knew the A-s before we even thought of the Q-s!
A – What the fuck are you talkin’ about?
Q – THAT!! Right there! You just fired off another Q.
A – So what?
Q – And another! “So what?” he says. “What the fuck?” he says. And before that: “How am I supposed t’ know?” And before that: “Any more questions?” Until slowly but surely the tables are turned, and the tired old Q-and-A Power Paradigm has been fully reversed.
A – It has not!… Has it..?
Q- I think we both know the A to that Q, my friend. It’s happening everywhere. A radical shift in the Cosmic Order. All over the world– nay, all over the universe– the Q-s have become the A-s… He who once had the upper hand has now been given the… uh… the lower foot. And behold! A Great, Big, Fat Narrative Reversal has taken place. The Person of Colour has become the Person of NO Colour… The womyn has become “The Man”… The Educated, Well-Off Homosexual has become… y’know… a low-income, uneducated homophobe… In short, The Slave has become The Master.
A – Wait a minute. Are you seriously suggesting that the Questioner-dash-Answerer… rer… relationship is akin to the Master-Slave relationship?
Q – Only Sexually.
A – Okay, we’re done here.
Q – What are you saying?
A – I’m saying No Further Questions!!
Dooliganism 